THE SECRET OF SUCCESS

It is nearly two months since I've written anything, but the song remains the same (out of tune and boring i know), and this is how it goes;

Still i am disquieted by my own mind, my heart, my soul. Surely i have everything? A roof over my head, a family around me, working in a job with my hands, and i am reasonably healthy. Yet i still seem to be running in sand emotionally. This feeling of being alone whilst everything is essentially really OK is such a luxury I know, as there are millions of people that real are suffering with a lot more immediate problems, much more serious than the emotional cravings of a middle-aged middle-classed mediocre sufferer of stereotypical midlife-crisis wank. And to that end, perhaps i should try and be less selfish. But, in my own defence, it is still predominant and pervasive throughout everything i do and think, which is doing my head in. Will i ever be happy with my lot?

So what do i do? Stop mincing around, be a real man and just get on with life, and consider myself lucky? Or sink even deeper into a self obsessed whingeathon? I wouldn't mind if all of this was making good art, or at the very least, making a good living out of the drive it/my mind possesses. But all it does is descend in the form of a dense fog over myself and, subsequently, over those that have the misfortune to be closest to me as well.

There are times when i do have fleeting glimpses of what is close to euphoria, and these times i treasure. These moments seem to be fairly random in their apparition, and make me realise that they are driven by outside forces, not by my own will. By this i mean that i am not the instigator of the euphoric moments but i am experiencing the moments as a result of someone or something else. I would like to point out. at this time, that i am realistic enough to understand that i do not expect these wonderfully fragrant moments of time to be hugely constant, or consistent. I just have a yearning for them to be less sparse.

Am i the only one who thinks this way? Or are you all blissfully happy and at one with yourselves and your world? Do let me know your secret of success if you are. Also , is there anyone out there that understands what i'm trying to share here? If so, please say something. In the mean time, if there is anyone out there that knows me well enough, appear to me and give me a laugh, and maybe some chocolate too.