THE POWER OF THE WHINGE

I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this. It's been over a month since I've written anything, and that was a large amount of bollocks anyway. 'Searching', searching for what? If i didn't know myself better, I'd be wondering why i was doing this at all. All this introverted, self obsessed whinging and whining. Anyone would think i was really Lost In Space, certainly, at least, in my own world.
It is a great luxury , to be able to whinge so publicly. To be able to bare my soul, and get away with it. No one's really interested anyway. There's only my mother and my conscience reading this stuff and possibly taking it all in, and i seriously think one of us isn't really remembering any of it, and I'm not thinking about my mother here.

So, where am i anyway? In life? In my head?
Who knows. One day up , the next down.
I guess i thought that i would be in a life less ordinary than the one i have. Not the stereotype, not the rock star, the racing driver or the famous footballer type thing. More about achievement, personal achievement. By now i would have hoped I'd been so profound in something creative and loving I'd done, that i would have influenced others to go on and be equally profound. That sort of thing. Something truly beautiful. But yet again, isn't that just a luxury? to be creative, artistic?
Surely there's enough suffering in this world, without the nonsense that I'm thinking n fighting with in my head every day?
Perhaps I'm starting to believe my own bollocks, that i real am. really am what? Able to create beauty and change things or people?
Or perhaps it's all about reaching out, needing to be wanted, loved, understood? There I go again 'Love, acceptance and understanding', It's certainly a common thread in most of what I seem to be writing.
So this is it, either it IS about just that, needing love acceptance and understanding, or it's all a load or pretentious wank, all bollocks.
You, my friends, have the power to decide. Oh what power you have over such a tortured soul. What a luxury for all of us.
Yes, it's a great luxury to be able to whinge so publicly and get away with it.

The power of the whinge? None at all.